Recent Random Revelations

Being unemployed lends lots and lots and lots of time to thinking. This is not always a good thing, because I tend to be the person who lets her brain get going into hyper-drive and then I just feel SO overwhelmed. It sucks. I wish I could pace my thoughts.

Here are some totally random thoughts/revelations I've had lately:

If anyone would have told me as I ran from my job two years ago that one day I would miss that job, I'd have said they were absolutely CRAZY. But now, two years later, I look back on that job and there are parts of it that I miss: the camaraderie with my co-workers, the autonomy/freedom/flexibility I had as Office Manager, the proximity of that job to home, my health insurance (we'll meet again someday, Kaiser), and sometimes even my boss -- but only because I knew him so well that I could usually predict what he was going to do or say before he did it or said it (this usually made my job easier, but it could make it a living hell at times, too). Honestly, though, I've been thinking about it and I wonder if I don't miss it solely based on the fact that I'm not working right now, and even that job would seem better than no job at all. Because when I look at it with a clear head, there are two things I surely do not miss: the many "bounced" paychecks that trashed my credit and the fact that I knew my boss so well that I could usually predict what he was going to do or say before he did it or said it. Ugh. Knowing someone in the workplace that well = "work spouse." You've all heard the term, and he actually USED it more than once. Not cool.

My (future) children are going to think I'm the meanest mom ever, because when I say "No," trust me, I MEAN "No." This is a trait I've inherited from my dad, and I don't even have any kids yet. My dad hardly ever said "No" to me when I was a kid, which is why on the rare occasions that he did say "No," it came as such a shock. And I would beg him, "Please, Daddy?" "Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?" And he would say, "My answer hasn't changed. It's still 'No.' Please stop asking me." Well, hello there, my name is D, and at 26 years old, I have become my father (at least in this regard). I don't say "No" often, but when I do, it's usually with good reason, so PLEASE don't ask me to change my mind. This is mainly directed at someone important to me, who has salesmanship abilities and the persistence of a three-year old who is forever asking "Why?" I think I am pretty reliable, pretty accommodating, pretty willing to lend a helping hand, and I hardly ever say "No," but when I do, it freakin' means what it means. Please don't try to persuade me to change my mind -- it won't do anything for you, and all it'll do for me is piss me off (I'm sorry, Dad. I totally get it now).

It is really scary not to have health insurance. Don't think that one really needs explaining.

Living by the "If you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" principle will only depress you. Because I have scratched a lot of backs and... well... all it got me was an itchy back. If you're going to do something for someone else, do it in the spirit of service to others and don't expect anything to come back to you. That way you won't be disappointed if you don't get anything in return, and anything you DO get will be a pleasant surprise.

And finally...

Girls, when embarking on a relationship with a guy, once it starts to get serious, don't just ask if he wants kids one day. Talk about how and to what level he wants to be involved in their lives before you decide if he's the right guy for you. Seriously. Again, this is coming from someone without kids, but I have to vent something that's been bugging the crap out of me lately. My cousin and I are the same age -- we even share a birthday (I'm older by about 10 hours, but I don't act it! Haha). Anyway, she has a nine month old baby girl, and every month she mass-e-mails a baby update with pictures to her family and friends. And every month, this girl is busy -- she acts in community theatre, teaches piano and voice lessons, and is very involved in her church, which gives her baby girl plenty of Daddy time. And every month, in her e-mail, my cousin says, "A big thanks to (hubby) for being so great with watching (baby) this month!" Um, wait.. what? Watching the baby? Dude, this is your HUSBAND. He's not watching the baby, he's spending time with her. Taking care of her. I mean, after all, is that what you call what you do with the baby when you're home with her all day? "Watching" her? I thought not. So one of you needs to change your wording. If you think he's "watching" the baby, maybe you need to rethink what he's really doing. And if HE SAYS that all he's doing is just "watching" the baby, maybe you need to re-think your choice of hubby. My cousin is not the only one who takes this approach that Dad is merely "watching" his kid. I have lots of friends that say that and it just grates on my nerves for some reason -- not sure why. One of my fellow blogger friends (hi, Meghan!) posted a comment on Facebook a few months back laughing at how someone she worked with questioned how she could leave on a brief vacation -- who was going to watch the baby? My friend said that the baby would be just fine at home with her dad... and my friend's co-worker was all, "Really?" And my friend goes, "Um, yeah, if I didn't think he would be an OK person to leave my kid with, I wouldn't have MARRIED him!" I don't know, I guess it's just this old-fashioned, conservative mindset that a lot of people (including my cousin!) seem to have. I don't know whether it's more funny, sad, or maddening. Perhaps it's all three.

I think that's it for tonight. I hate leaving a post feeling like it's unfinished, but I've suddenly run out of words. I love to write, and running out of words is my curse.